I don't believe in suffering

One moment I'm OK with isolation, the next moment I feel alienated from the world and pushed in my own mind.

Today many people discussed the pending shortage of IC beds.
And the consequent question if people who won't be able to survive the IC or end up with irreversible damage should be admitted to hospital.

I've written about this earlier.

I would rather see an open discussion about how people die.
We care better for our animals than for our dying.

In a mail I wrote my GP about my decision not to want to go to hospital.
They won't admit me to the IC, so why go there?

We've discussed this subject before, after I came from hospital after my heart stopped and it turned out I had a serious disease of my heart muscle. I couldn't be resuscitated.
And later, when my kidneys got worse I repeated it.
Why keep someone alive when there is so much damage that life is just a medical issue, and not a social one?

I don't believe in suffering.

Life in itself is difficult enough.

Had a talk with Mr.Intelligent, who told me this is just  a way of doctors and hospitals to get the equipment they couldn't get in any other way, and the same for politicians.
I hope he was just blindly repeating one of those eight grade politically wrong online papers and forums. Otherwise his dementia kicked in firm.
His visits to his sons, who stay away to protect me, and his shopping make clear he doesn't care one little bit how it's for me.

I had bronchitis this morning, but for the first time in my life I was really worried.
That's not me.
I hate to focus on illness and symptoms this way.

But it's gone now, thanks to medication.

Gradually the world is panicking... and that makes me withdraw into myself, and at the same time posing the most essential questions to myself.

Where do I want to be?
What is the meaning of some of my friends in my life?
Why is it always loneliness in the end?
Or should I say: why do people think they can ignore me and my feelings?

.